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What Size is that Dress and Does Her Boobs Actually Fit?

June 23, 2010

Ordinarily I wouldn’t do a complete post on simply bad choice of ensemble, but when I saw Go Fug Yourself (incidentally, where all the pictures come from), it made me realize that there is an entire group of “bad dressed” celebs who have done more than missed the mark of looking good, but have gone above and beyond looking down right ridiculous.

Such as this picture here.  What the hell?  Was she going to the even trying to impress or was she planning on beating someone to death with her cleavage.  And to think I’ve heard women this well endowed say, “He’s always looking at my chest when we’re talking, and that really bothers me.”  Come on sweetie, so her ta-ta’s are sailing over board, and she obviously has embraced her beauty, but I think she just look ridiculously poured into a dress that is way too small.

She may as well gone naked if you ask me.  But if she had gone up a size smaller in her dress then perhaps her boobs would have room to move around, and not look like she’s about to have a serious wardrobe malfunction.  Wouldn’t you think?  She’s an attention hogger! Pure and simple.

Next up is Paula Patton.  Rumor has it that she’s pregnant.  Ok.  Perhaps her wearing this particular dress is saying, “Ooh!  Look at me, I’ve actually got boobs!”  Or has being pregnant become one small, tiny detail she’s missed. 

I actually like this dress, but think it is a bit too much for the expecting mom, Paula.  And all that cleavage makes those who are lacking in that area think criminally!  She certainly missed the mark on this one.  She should have gone with a larger size, or something altogether a little less revealing than this number.

Now can someone tell me what the deal is with this one?  I think someone simply played a cruel joke on Alicja Bachleda when she was poured into this long God-awful dress.  And the look on her face only tells me she’s just as shocked as everyone else that she actually walked out the house wearing this, or…she just can’t breathe.  You tell me.  But look at her cleavage.  Flat!  No definition, no roundness, and even I know not to walk out of the house with a little lift to my game.  Especially if I’m supposed to be dressing to impress.  She is leaving an impact alright.  She’ll be remembered for looking crazy in this number.

One question.  What is that?  What was Mindi Jackson thinking when she donned this number?  It’s not cute for her to have made such attempt to step out wearing this.  It’s not even something I’d let my daughter wear if I knew she ran the risk of looking foolish.  Don’t get me wrong, people, Mindi Jackson’s a pretty girl, but her boobs are seriously about to make a run for the border.

This is not a satin romper like I thought it was, too, but I would have to disagree that Annie Wersching’s cleavage gives “a bit of a Pam Anderson “two beach balls shoved in a bag” appearance.  In fact, this is one of the actually pictures I saw that I felt she actually looked well coordinated.  Not too over the top and her cleavage is not introducing itself to you by no means, at least not like any of the other pictures in this post.

Nicole Kidman was looking a little poofed when she sported her cleavage with Keith Urban who obviously had no problems with her chosen attire.  But honestly, the hair is bad, her makeup is bad and that dress is just not that attractive.  In fact, she looks like she just told a dirty joke.  Sorry, Nicole, but I’m going to have to give you a two thumbs down for this one.

And last but certainly not least, Paris Hilton.   What can be said about this woman, other than her being a rich snobbish nuisance?  Nothing, except I totally dislike her, I do not think she’s at all attractive, and what makes her this so-called fascinating person is the dollar signs that follows her wherever she goes.  Frankly, she’s just as much an ordinary person as you and I, put together.

With this dress, she obviously picked for herself, wasn’t saying much for her looks.  And someone needs to teach her how to take better pictures.  Can we send her somewhere where she can learn to be a real human being while we’re at it?

This is a pretty dress, true, but she missed the mark on so many levels, given to the degree that she paid no attention to size, being too big (or she’s just that skinny).  So, can she actually stand like a normal person?  I mean, really!  If she is just posing for the picture, OOH, LORD! That’s an awful, awful pose and does her no justice.  This choice was bad for her.  If she stood regularly, her nipples would probably make an appearance.  Go back in the closet and try it again, Paris.

Whew! I hope this post wasn’t too harshly.  But it is like I always say, “If you have to second guess an outfit, you probably shouldn’t wear it!”

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